Passion

This is a dangerous post for me. This is deeply personal and yet here I am sharing it with whoever. I'm probably going to get people phoning me out of concern, but that's not what I need or want right now, so please DON'T.
In church my passion for God I would say is pretty obvious. My passion for my wife however maybe is not so obvious, they are however one and the same. I am a passionate person, I feel things deeply and I want the best for people.
In church last week I could not connect with God, it was too painful. You see at the moment my wife and I are not connecting. She has lost her trust in me due to a very long running misunderstanding of the nature of my love for God and her. The misunderstanding belongs to us both, I misunderstood the nature of my love for God and my wife and how these feelings were interwoven and indeed inseparable. She on the other hand saw this as a demonstration that my love and passion for her was diminished. The truth is my love and passion for her over this period was greater than it had ever been, so much so that I was willing to do what ever was necessary to build her up.
Unfortunately I got it somewhat wrong, suffice to say, without going into detail, this has had a very serious and detrimental effect on our relationship and consequently our relationship with God.
So take heed all you out there, understand the nature of your love for God and your spouse. It is interconnected and they cannot be separated without causing you, or your relationships serious damage. This has been the hardest lesson of my life, and I've had some pretty tough ones in the past.
Please ask God for revelation on this, it is actually the only thing that will change you. I am only here as a guide to warn you. If you want revelation God will give it to you, but be ready for pain and sorrow as well.
It's up to you, do you want the truth or just an easy time? Truth can kill, but it is also the life giver